The saying 'happy wife, happy life' is well-known. But this also applies to happy mothers. I heard it put as, 'when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!'. And whilst I prefer a more positive version, I think you get the general idea!
As mother’s our mood and energy often dictate the mood and energy of our home and household.
Our mood affects everyone else
My own mother said something similar to me years ago when I was upset and cranky, and was feeling frustrated that everyone else in my home was getting upset and cranky too! Despite the truth of it, it didn't really make me feel better. In fact, quite the opposite.
So I completely understand that it feels unfair, unjust and like yet another expectation, responsibility and demand being placed upon you. Not only do you have to look after your own feelings and well-being, now your mood affects everyone else too and so you are responsible for their feelings also. What a complete drag!
But is that what really is going on here? Really?
What about if instead we realise this is our chance to influence our life positively.
Our mood and energy DO affect those people who are around us each day. And for many of us, the people we are around each day are our family. The people we love most in the world. The people we chose to spend our life with (our partner), and the little people we made, nurture and adore.
Yes, our mood and energy run the house. But therefore, we can influence how our home feels and the experiences our children have.
We can choose to be joyful, loving and present.
We can choose not to use harsh or unkind words.
We can actively choose to turn up happy.
But how do we do that when we are consumed with grief, feeling overwhelmed or stressed about life in general?
It’s tough. It’s really tough.
But you can do it.
We can do it.
Whether it is our career, loss, health, relationships or something else entirely that is making us sad, we can change the way we show up.
Change our perspective
How do we do this?
By looking at ourselves and seeing our situation and our role in it with more empowered and loving lenses and making different choices.
In other words, changing the way we show up.
When we look at ourselves with love rather than criticism, we can see how and why we are unhappy. And then, most often we can also see what we must do to change that.
The really great thing is that often we don’t actually need to ‘do’ anything at all; we just need to change the way we are looking at things.
It really can be that simple.
Oh yes, the mind and emotions are very powerful!
Practice, love yourself and choose to be happy
It takes conscious effort and a lot of practice. Daily practice. Sometimes minute by minute practice. But it can be done.
Personally, I am a work in progress in this space. As a wife and mother, I know my energy runs my household. After a long time feeling sad and grieving, and having a family who were caught up in my sadness, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. The voice in my head was critical, unkind and uncaring. I felt I should be doing better.
Why was it so hard?
Why did my mood have to be the one that influenced everyone else?
Why couldn’t my family (husband or kids) make the effort to lift the feelings we were experiencing?
Why was it yet another thing I had to do?
After a long time fighting against this, I realised I wasn’t going to win the battle – it was simply a fact. My emotional state and energy DID run the house.
I did a lot of personal work, focused on changing my perspective and instead of being critical of myself and others, I (try) to come from a place of love. Love for myself. I always love the others, but myself, not so much. This is where the big change comes – loving myself.
So, no more fighting my energy running the house. Instead, I go with it.
Yes, it requires greater awareness, but it also means I am the one who determines whether we have a good day or not.
I choose to be happy.
I choose to be grateful.
I choose to be joyful and loving.
And as a result, our home is a place of happiness, full of gratitude, joy and love.
All because I changed my perspective from one of self-criticism to one of self-love.
So it comes down to this question: If you aren't happy, are you are ready to change that?
If so, I encourage you to let me support you. Get in touch to arrange a complimentary, obligation-free chat where we can get to know each other and talk about how I can support you to be the happy mother you want to be.