In ‘The Wisdom of Sundays’ by Oprah Winfrey, I read an interview she did with Elizabeth Gilbert, the author. At one point Elizabeth says “my life no longer resembled me“.

Elizabeth says this realisation she now credits as the catalyst for the breakdown of her marriage.

But it got me thinking; how many of us find ourselves in a similar situation? Where our life no longer resembles us?

I’m not suggesting that when our life no longer feels like us we should separate from our partner (as Elizabeth did). But rather, if this phrase gives you an inkling of a feeling that you are in fact living a life that does not resemble you, then perhaps it is time to do something about that.

What does a life that feels like you look like?

When working with my clients we often explore what an ideal day would look like. Many of them find this quite hard initially, but once they get started, their ideal day usually encompasses all the things they love. That said, their ideal day is often like a better version of the life they currently live. Which is a wonderful alignment and reassures them that the life they are living is already pretty close to their ideal. With a few tweaks and adjustments, their current life will be their ideal life.

However, others describe an ideal day and get quite excited by it, only to find it feels like a distant, unachievable dream. In these instances they find themselves, like Elizabeth Gilbert, realising that their life no longer resembles them.

When our life does not feel or look like us, we are not aligned with who we are. And when that occurs, at best we feel ambivalent, like our mojo has gone, but at worst we can feel miserable, stuck, depressed or defeated.

And that is no way to live.

What to do when your life does not feel like you?

To help you live a life that is more aligned to who you are, we need to identify the people and things you love, and bring more attention and focus to them.

Here are 3 short and relatively easy steps you can do to uncover these feelings.

3 Steps to start living a life that feels like you

Step 1

Set aside 15 to 30 minutes to brainstorm all the things you loved to do as a child. List each and every activity, person, event, toy, game and so on, you enjoyed. Particularly recall and focus on the activities where you would happily occupy hours, but it would feel like mere minutes for you. Where you were in the wonderful state of flow…

Step 2

Identify any common themes emerging from your list. For example, if your favourite activities included dancing, singing and drawing; creativity and creative expression is likely a key component for a life that feels like you.

Step 3

Once you have identified your common themes, look at whether you are incorporating any of these in your adult life. And if not, how could you do so?

Think broadly, but then start small.

Look for possible ways to incorporate more of each into your life. Using our example above; maybe trying a new recipe for dinner one night per week could be a baby step towards increasing the creativity in your life.

Aim to commit to one or two new activities this week or month, which help you reconnect to the activities and experiences that brought you joy as a child.

This very simple three-step approach will not guarantee you a life that resembles yourself, but it is a great way to start identifying and making the changes needed.

What to do after the 3 steps?

Longer-term or more significant changes are likely to require external support. That is where working with a coach (that’s me!) can assist.

With 3 months of ongoing support, accountability, actions and guidance towards achieving your individual goals, working with me can be an ideal way to start ensuring your life looks more like you; aligned, purposeful and best of all, completely like you.

Alternatively, for longer-term support from a group of like-minded women, you might consider joining a Mastermind.

Once a month for the past 3 years, I’ve met with 2 other incredible businesswomen for 2 hours, where we discuss and dissect a business issue, problem, question or opportunity for each of us. At this time of year, we also meet for a longer planning session to review the past year and plan our major goals for the coming year.

These women inspire me, challenge me, focus on me and most importantly, always have my back. That means the feedback can be direct – but always shared from a place of genuine support, designed to help all of us grow our businesses whilst balancing the other roles we play in our lives. Our meetings require a time commitment every month, but it’s time very well spent.

And most importantly, through the sharing of dreams, goals and regular accountability, the lovely women in my Mastermind support me to live a life that feels and looks like me.

If being part of a Mastermind group sounds interesting to you, I’d invite you to learn more here about my Mastermind offering, The Clarity and Confidence Collective for 2022.

Does your life feel like you? No? I’d love to work with you to help change that, As a Career & Life Confidence Coach, I support people make changes to live authentically as themselves, in a life they love.

To learn more about what working with me is like or ask questions about the Collective, please book your complimentary call with me.

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