“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams”

“Shoot for the moon and even if you fail, you will land among the stars“

I’m sure you, like me, have seen these quotes represented on social media multiple times over the years. They do the rounds and are more prevalent at certain times of the year.

But before they were shared ad nauseam on social media, these were the types of messages we were receiving growing up.

Maybe you are younger than I am, but if you were born any time from the early 1970s through to the late 1980s, these messages were the standard personal development fare of the day. And these types of messages were frequently given to us as children; to encourage us to dream big dreams and believe in ourselves.

At one time, my youngest son dreamed of playing cricket for Australia

As children, we have BIG dreams. We don’t need to be reminded to dream big. But the message to go confidently in the direction of those is definitely positive. It can be life-affirming and motivating.

For example, my youngest son, now 12, for a very long time wanted to be a helicopter pilot and a policeman. His dreams have changed again, as they will continue to do with age, and as he is exposed to new ideas. For a while, he wanted to play cricket for Australia, or be a famous YouTuber!

I don’t know whether he will achieve these dreams, and he may not feel passionate about these in a couple of months, let alone in the future. Undoubtedly, these dreams will change again at some point.

And that’s okay.

What happens to the dreams we have as adults?

So many of us have big dreams in our teens and in our early 20s, and then we start to receive messages about being realistic… Or, well-meaning loved ones and friends hint that perhaps our dreams aren’t to be, and are unachievable. Slowly, society and our important people diminish our dreams until such time that we are keeping our dream small. If we dream at all.

Alternatively, we put our dreams on hold. We believe that to be “responsible adults“ we need to step away from those things that we dreamt of as a child or teenagers. Even the dreams we had a few years ago may have been left by the wayside (a global pandemic could well be a contributor here).

And so, we set our big dreams aside. We get on with the day-to-day task of living and working, and leave the dreaming to others.

We tell ourselves, we just need a reasonable job that we don’t hate, a nice home, and our loved ones.

And yes, these ARE important to most people.

But is there a part of you that wants more (even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself)?

After all, it’s almost embarrassing to dream too big after a certain age, isn’t it?

Setting aside dreams

The impact of setting these dreams aside is bigger than we imagine.

When you’re too afraid to dream big, you can end up compromising on a “good enough” that is not enough for you.

You hide your real self from the world.

The likelihood of overwhelm and burnout is increased.

Life satisfaction is diminished.

Your home starts to show signs of clutter, as you try to fill your life with stuff to fill the gaps your dreams left behind.

Everything becomes out of focus, and remembering what matters to you becomes hard.

All of which are far from ideal. Yet all these stem from one common issue; without dreams, we lack clarity.

Clarity

Based on the work I have done with many clients, the biggest impact of giving up on your dreams is a lack of clarity. This lack of clarity may not permeate your entire life, instead showing up only in one part.

For example, you might be very clear about what you want to achieve in your career, but feel stuck when it comes to your personal life. Or conversely, you might have a fabulous relationship and be very clear regarding the goals for your life in that space, but be uncertain about whether the new business idea is really what you want to do.

This lack of clarity, tied with our giving up on our dreams, can end up with some interesting behaviours.

In our career, when we give up our career dreams and/or have a lack of clarity about why or what we want to do, work starts to feel aimless, boring or even pointless. At the most serious, this can result in disengagement, poor performance or apathy. None of which is good! Of course, our employer or company won’t appreciate us operating in this way, but nor do we. Feeling and behaving this way in our career means the days drag. We are simply going through the motions.

The lack of clarity regarding our dreams results in lower confidence, which in turn affects our performance and thus our ability to pursue those dreams. It’s a downward cycle.

And when our well-being suffers at work, it can infiltrate other areas of our life. Thus, areas of our life where we did feel clear and confident can be impacted and no longer feel so good.

Sometimes I find clients are the other way around. They have been so clear and focused on their career goals, they have forgotten that life is happening simultaneously. In these instances, they are very clear about their career goals but their other dreams – perhaps for a partner, or family or to travel and experience the freedom of living and learning in a new country and culture, have been subsumed by their career focus.

In this case, life has moved out of balance. And, once again, with dreams on the back burner, confidence nose-dives. These clients experience self-doubt in their personal lives, which hinders them from opening up to new opportunities, and that includes new relationships and experiences.

Dreams and Confidence

Often we believe we need more confidence before we are prepared to pursue our dreams. This often shows up as a belief we need to learn more, refresh our skills, gain another accreditation or complete another course.

All of which can be valid.

But can also be a form of procrastination. Where we use the accumulation of more expertise as an excuse for not taking action on our dream.

As yes, sometimes we need more skills or to gain an additional accreditation. But sometimes we need to get out of our own way!

We need to actively pursue our dreams.

It is the pursuit of our dreams that builds our confidence. When we do something that we have been thinking about for a long time, or have been wanting to achieve or accomplish, and we do so, our confidence is boosted. In fact, we feel fantastic!

I’ve seen this countless times with my clients and experienced it myself too.

When we take action, real, tangible action, towards our dreams, our confidence is lifted. And with greater confidence, our dreams feel more achievable. So we take more action.

It’s a positive cycle.

Dreams inspire and provide clarity.

We take action.

Our confidence is increased.

Motivation lifts, and we take more action.

“Hold fast to your dreams
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to your dreams
For when dreams go,
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.”

— Langston Hughes

Reconnecting with our dreams

So how do we tap back into this inspiration and clarity when we have found ourselves disconnected from our hopes, goals and dreams?

Firstly, a gentle reminder. As humans, we are designed to move, grow and develop. And that goes for our dreams too! The career dreams you had as a young adult may no longer be something you care about when you are in your mid-forties. And the dreams you had as a single person might be irrelevant when you have been happily partnered for years.

We can use this knowledge of growth and change to support us.

When we are in a time of change, whether it’s a global shift, a career move or a personal transition, we can use the energy of change to make additional positive changes and explore the opportunities within those changes to more closely align ourselves to our goals and dreams.

When you are going through a change in one area of your life, it can highlight where other changes are required. And whilst you are in the momentum of change, it can be easier to embrace a little more, rather than go through another wholesale change in a few months’ time.

Personally, every time I made a significant change in my career, the catalyst was a major life event. Extended solo travel, exposure to new ideas, purchasing our first home, marriage, parenthood, and the loss of my second son; all of these were events that encouraged me to reflect and consider the trajectory of my life.

Reflect and review; consider your dreams and goals

Practical steps

To reconnect, set aside some time every six months or so to check in with yourself to determine whether where you are aligned with your values, goals and yes, your dreams. Year-end or New Year, and mid-year are all times when we are encouraged to reflect and review. As you consider your values, hopes, goals and dreams, adjust and rethink as required.

Here are some questions to get you started;

What have I learnt over the last six, twelve or twenty-four months?
Do I still value the same things I did when I last checked in with myself?
What aims, goals, hopes or dreams no longer feel right for me?
What do I need to leave behind?
What do I need to learn next?
Do I want to pivot and change, or pursue something new?

Record your answers, perhaps in a notebook or document, where you can revisit them during your next check-in.

If you find yourself realising you’ve stepped too far away from your values, your goals or your dreams, that is a sign you need to make a change. Engaging with professional support, like a career coach (that’s me!) can be a great next step.

In summary, hold onto your dreams, for they are the necessary ingredient to support you to be confident.

Confidence is improved when we accomplish goals, tasks, or actions - all of which can be done in service to our dreams. When we make a conscious decision to work towards our dream, make progress and then celebrate our success, we build our confidence.

Life is pretty boring if you don’t have dreams.

Now, here’s the thing.

I’m not a child, and I’m under no illusion that all my dreams will come true one day.

But I still dream, hope and look to the horizon. Believing in something that is just out of reach helps me stay inspired and motivated.

Even if I don’t get there, or achieve the big goal or dream, I know I’ll enjoy the benefits of greater clarity and direction. And I’ll be more intentional with my time and resources along the way too.

I’ll spend a lot more time doing what makes me happy. Which in turn supports me live my life with greater clarity and confidence.

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Build your confidence with The A to Z of Career and Life Confidence

Maybe after reading this article, you find yourself thinking “Well that’s all well and good Rowena, but I need to improve my confidence before I go after my dreams, not the other way around!”

I’ve got you! My FREE book, The A to Z of Career and Life Confidence provides you with a whole alphabet’s worth of valuable tips for how to boost your confidence in your career, business and life. And it’s available for immediate download.

More support

Alternatively, if as you’ve read this article you are hearing that little voice in your head, or a tugging at your heart, that there must be more to your life and there might be a dream you set aside that you’d like to revisit… yet you’re not quite sure where to start - I’d love to help you.

As a certified career, business, and life confidence coach, I support people to make the changes they desire, so they can feel more aligned, purposeful, and confident in their careers, business, and life. I do this via tailored one-on-one coaching, which is fully customised to you and your goals.

If you know coaching with me is your next right step, you can check out my coaching packages here.

Learn more about coaching with Rowena